I slipped the white,

chiffon dress over my small frame

it smelled of bitter moth balls

and stale air

in desperate need of a

Spring rain

I tied the ribbon

beneath my breast

pulled back my hair

loosely

in a tuck

never taking my eyes away

from the perfectly fitted gown

from the curve of my neck

from the similar, duplicate image

of you

 

Reading each page

gown circling around my knees –

my sentences

my questions

my innocence

You recorded my thoughts

I kept reading realizing how much

you adored

me.

 

I let me hair fall

over the pleated shoulders

clicked my heels

and wished for you

to appear

you are a gentle figure

in my imagination

a realistic plunge

into my past

and a mystery

I will never solve

 

For the rest of my life

I will walk a little crooked

and have no choice

but to accept

the unbalance.

 

 

I raced to find you

100 stories high

I had to find you

in the bar in the sky

 

The air was thick

the stairs too slow

where were my wings

I knew you would know

 

I found you at our table

by the window

in the clouds

junipers and olives

ice to the top

you ordered me one too

we talked for hours

 

You told me to

slow down

sit still

I love you

Paul Auster, Saul Bellow, William Goldman

read this

 

When I wake up

will we meet again?

I’ll find my way back up 100 flights

too drink with you

and then

 

you can tell me to slow down

sit still

I love you

read this

 

The big bar in the sky

Bombay

on ice

 

 

 

 

 

 

I loved eating pomegranates

with you

because you loved it

as much as I did

peeling small white blankets

off of glistening ruby stones

black shirts

t.v. trays

red fingertips

I loved eating pomegranates

with you

Golden Streaks of hair

reflected off from the sun

then dissolved

back into a strawberry auburn

when the sun was swallowed

 

Cranberry isles

Chilean raspberries,

an  embarrassed mango

picked up

as heavy as dust

feigning fear –

the prospect

of probably being eaten

 

She puts them back – reds and yellows

sliding down lengthy, lean fingers

you can hear nervous relief

a fruit cacophony –

The air feels calm

my hands tingle

from the moisture

of the clouds

 

I open my eyes

take my father’s arm,

the two of us smile

as we turn our way

down Chelsea Manor

 

 

The house was beige

Like a taupe paint swatch – committed

Curtains halfway drawn

sleepy eyelids over every window

Dust particles drifting where the light struggled to shine

He had us sit in front of him and his wife –

She was no bird I can tell you that

At the time I was not sure

Bearded man, black cloak, black hat-

I found it hard to breathe, yet his voice was gentle like a comforting father

After a nightmare – smoky calm, tired eyes in between

Hat and hair

Curvy woman, dressed in their leftover curtains,

She could have baked me a pie

Made warm milk

Nuzzle me in her bosom-

But no

Half bred

Disappointing Jewess

My womb not worthy of Jewish babies

The bird said she’d help me

Convert me

Clean me

Closing the door behind me

Forever

I left the dust to settle

 

Child pushing little green cart

So cute

We’re a team…you get the avocados

I get the heavier grass fed meets and bulk items

Bam!

Right into my Achilles Tendon

1….2…..3…….4

Gluten free items this way

High fructose corn syrup elimination next isle

Multigrains over here, cage free eggs…Honey!!!?

Vegan burgers this way and omega 3, antioxidants,

Aronia, blue, pomegranate, acai…….

For smoothies!

Acidophilus, spelt, bulgur…

where’s my 4 yr old?

No isle for lost children.

Do I want to make a little money he asks me?

Years ago this would have been

Taking out the garbage on a Tuesday

Picking fallen, rotten cranberries off the ground

So the dog would not eat them

For a buck – a day’s work .

No

His plot

My daddy

He wants to be sprinkled

Somewhere not yet chosen-

Vacations to Florida

are no longer sand and sunscreen

That’s for damn sure.

I imagine a wrap-around porch

I will stand at the crux

Of one side

Sipping spiced Malbec

Cognizant

Of the other corner

At peace with the choice I made

My tongue purple

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